12/13/2012

Spudsie



Ps... I wrote this about 3 weeks ago...

.. I am having a hard time beginning this post so I will just be abrupt and tell you. I am pregnant!

I'm not married but I have been with my fiance for the past six years and for the past 2 years I have longed for a little one of my own. More than a wedding, a house, or a career. It's something I really wanted. About a year ago my doctor told me that I might not be able to get pregnant because of certain things. This absolutely broke my heart and that's when I stopped taking any precautions to keep myself from being pregnant. I cried and cried and I even blocked baby pictures from my news feed on facebook. That's how bad it bothered me. I know it sounds so selfish but I had to do something to keep a safe mind and by doing that I finally was at peace with what may be.

This year has been a really bad one, my relationship was really screwed up, I didn't really know who I was becoming, the one person I could talk to about anything passed away, and I was never really happy but I didn't understand why. I prayed about it often... for god to give me something different with my life that would make me feel satisfied. I have literally been counting down the days till new year... screw christmas. Then right before Thanksgiving I wasn't feeling really well and my fiance said maybe your pregnant. I didn't get excited like any of the other 10 times I got a pregnancy test, in fact I was so in doubt that I actually waited to take it until the next morning.

 There it was.... I actually read it wrong at first and threw it in the trash. Then I thought let me check it again and opened the instructions to make sure. I'm pregnant? It was so unreal that I couldn't believe it so I went about the next couple of days without saying anything. Then my two little sisters came over and I told them I thought I was. Of course they have heard this a thousand times and I showed them the test... they went to the store bought a more expensive one and made me take it. They couldn't believe it... I still couldn't either but it was true!

The hardest part for me was telling the rest of my family. I really didn't know what anyone would think about it. I was so happy and excited though that I was willing to face the unknown reactions. I promised myself that no matter what was said, this is what makes me happy and I am ready for it.

I will be the first in my family to have a little one. The first to make my parents grandparents and the first to make my grandparents great grandparents. That's kind of a hard thing to swallow... making everyone feel old and all. The other major thought in my head went out to my older sister... she's been in a long relationship but isn't married and no children. I wanted her to be happy but I knew that it might break her heart. Why wouldn't it when I couldn't take seeing a baby picture? I love my older sister and I want her to be happy but this situation was honestly not planned.

I will be 25 years old in February I am so happy that I will have something little inside of me to love and care for. I was able to unblock the baby pictures on facebook without a tear and pure joy. Does that not say something? I don't care if I am not married or if I don't have what people say is a solid career. I feel pretty lucky to be able to make money at home take care of my little one at the same time.

I am a little scared about my pup missing some love, losing the spare room studio, staying focused with my business goals and having to begin a new more packed schedule but I am willing to make it work. I always love a challenge and change. I think having faith and keeping calm with be my main focus with this new exciting change. I also hope that this little one will bring joy to the rest of my family and that they will love it and teach it everything they know.

For those of you who may feel the same way I did because of the situation your in. I know how you feel I only have to say that it seems like when you let it go and you accept the situation, it surprises you. I feel so lucky to know that I can get pregnant. I can only begin to understand the pain of not being able to have the child. How bad it would hurt and how life can seem pointless. Just promise yourself not to let it overcome you. Don't let it stop you from trying or seeing your path in life. Have faith.






22 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh, CONGRATULATIONS! I'm so so SO happy for you! I wish you the best of luck and you know, if you ever need some mommy help I'm here (:

    EEeee, I'm so happy for you!!!!

    Sam

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was hoping you would read this. I will definitely be turning to you for your awesome mommy skills. I envy the kind of relationship you and your little one have! Thanks....!!!! :)

      Delete
  2. Congratulations!!!!! I am so happy for you :) :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. First, Congrats girl, so so happy for you
    Second, you are such a beautiful soul, stop being worry about everything, your family is important for you, got that, but honestly enjoy this moment because God answered your prayers and now you're having what you wanted, a little one inside you, who is going to love you more than anything in the world.
    Wish i could have your faith, i wish i could be able to have a little one of my own, but i don't even have a boyfriend, so i saw this very unreal.
    Anyway, God knows when is our time, and this is your moment, enjoy every single second, and i'm sure your older sister must be happy for you :)
    What a wonderful blessing you got!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks soooo much... you are so right about there being a time. I can honestly say that I said I had faith but deep inside I was always scared of what may be. I'm not sure if I will ever stop worrying so much but I am working on it ;) Thanks for the love and letting me see that I need to enjoy this... I most definitely will!

      Delete
  4. Wow this made me smile, Congratulations!!! I know you will love being a mom and make a wonderful one! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Felicia!! It made me smile real big :D

      Delete
  5. You seem so happy about this, and that makes me happy for you! Congrats! Take care of yourself. :]

    ReplyDelete
  6. <3 congratulations! and, as a mom and grandma a piece of advice...truly try to enjoy the time you have to yourself now and alone with your partner because life will never be the same when baby makes 3. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks willow!! I will definitely take that piece of advice to heart. I have told myself that I plan on staying calm, as stress free as I can and enjoy these last moments of just us. :)

      Delete
  7. Congratulations! I'm sure you'll be brilliant!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kate! That means a whole bunch!! made me smile!

      Delete
  8. Oh my goodness congratulations! This is so wonderfully exciting!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Congratulations! I can't imagine the joy you are feeling!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So full of it!! It feels like such a blessing!! Thank You!

      Delete
  10. oh my goodness i am so, so happy for you! it's a wonderful time - being pregnant for the first time - enjoy it sweetie. from the way you talk about the kids you teach, i know you are going to be an awesome mom. congratulations!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Lisa! I am trying to enjoy every little moment of it!

      Delete
  11. congratulations and best wishes to you both!

    ReplyDelete

So what do you think? I love reading comments... drop me a line and a link!