It's been 17 days now since my little girl came into my arms. What a precious gift I was given by god. With every day that passes it makes it harder to see how I lived my life without her. The more time passes the more I forget the pain even though she was worth ever second of it! So I wan't to record what I remember because the experience even though painful was the most fulfilling and wonderful experience of my life! I wouldn't change it for the world. I feel like a woman.
Being the first in my family to have a child besides my mom (its been over 20 years!) with no one to turn to was a bit worry some at times. I had to go with my gut a lot and rely a little on google. I always felt like the doctors just kinda pushed me through pregnancy which turned out to be great because it kept me from wasting a lot of time over thinking.
Everyone always asked me what my birth plan was... If I was going to get an epidural, will I choose to be induced, will I go for a c section, and will I breast feed. Not only did everyone ask me these things they didn't care to give their opinion either which I had no problem with because I wanted to know. At the same time I knew I was going to try anything and not let anyone scare me out of anything. It was hard though because my answer was always I don't know I want to try to do this like women have done for ages but with all these "stories" of pain and suffering I wondered is it really that bad? My mom had me and my 3 sisters as c sections but she waited for all of us to arrive even if it was past our due date. Even after all the stress of wondering what will happen I tried to keep a plan in my head, pray to god, and be as patient as I could without letting doctors, friends or family change my mind.
Early in my pregnancy my blood count was really low and every visit it dropped. I had to go to a special doctor and get my blood taken weekly so that they could track it and make sure it didn't drop too low. It ended up being a steady drop every week with no signs of it coming up. I was told that if it got real low I would have to take steroids to get it back up... that was something I didn't like the sound of so I held off making that decision in hopes that my blood count would do what it needed to do when the time came. The doctors told me that if my blood count is under 100 thousand you can't get anesthesia or a c section or epidural which scared me but I thought maybe I can do it without those things. However the doctor proceeded to scare me into thinking that if something bad happens and I can't get a c section then.... who knows?
Anyway my blood count ended up dropping under 100 thousand on my early due date the 13th. Then she still didn't come and I was measuring about 3 cm dilated. I was able to still do pretty much anything in fact my belly was so soft that I could lay pretty much anyway I wanted in bed without feeling sick. This scared me it also scared me that she stopped moving almost all together. I thought something must be wrong because all over the internet it said that if movements stops or slows down to call the doctor. I didn't want to call my doctor though because I didn't want to be pressured into being induced or to sound like an idiot.
In fact the last visit I had with my doctor she had told me the baby should be here any moment and offered to schedule me to be induced. When I told her I decided to wait she seemed pretty amazed and told me she was proud of me because most people just can't wait nowadays. That was my last scheduled visit and I only had one more visit with my blood doctor which was on the day of my first due date the 17th. When that day rolled around I got my blood count and it was 96 thousand. That scared the crap out of me and had me wondering should I call my doctor because I had no signs of contractions and I had been 3 centimeters dilated for over a week now. However something inside of me told me to keep waiting and stay patient.
On the 20th my older sister hung out for most of the day shopping and eating the best lunch ever at panera! It was a wonderful day and unlike any other time I have spent with her. When I got home I noticed light pink stain after going to the bathroom. I hadn't seen any blood throughout pregnancy so I found that weird. I asked my mom about it but we all thought it wasn't anything. I then said lets go for a walk. My mom, boyfriend and I walked the hardest around the park that we have ever walked at midnight. I could feel lots of pressure but it felt good. When I got home that pink was now blood. We made a pizza and after eating a few pieces I stated to feel slight cramps. I hopped in the shower because in the back of my mind I felt like this might be it.
After a couple hours those cramps turned into contractions that just got more and more painful and started coming at 5 minutes apart then as little as 2- 3 minutes apart. I finally got the courage to call labor hall and ask when I should come in. My water still hadn't broke but when I talked to the very nice lady in labor hall she told me that I could come in when I was ready and that it sounded like I was getting close. So I decide to hold off another hour at home because I didn't want to be at the hospital more than I had to. The contractions started getting more powerful 30 mins into that hour. So much that I had to stop talking, take slow deep breaths and close my eyes. So we got into the car and headed to the hospital.
I walked in around 4 am and walked straight to labor hall... no wheelchair like I thought but walking really helped the contractions anyway. All of the checking in went pretty fast and my family started coming into my room to see how I was. At first I liked this but as it got closer I would rather lay there with just one silent person in the room. After a few hours the nurse asked me if I wanted to get an epidural. I told her that I was worried about my bloodcount and she informed me that my bloodcount was 105 thousand which shocked me but I took it as a sign to take the epidural even though the pain didn't seem as bad. What I didn't know was it would take them a while before giving me that epidural and when they finally had it ready... believe me I was ready for it. The contractions were so bad that I was falling asleep the minute between each one just so I wouldn't think about the pain.
Then it was time for the epidural and like I said by that time I was more than ready for any short pain that would relieve the contractions. I sat up and bent over while Justin held onto me and before I could even wonder if the needle had entered the epidural was done. I didn't feel a thing the only thing that hurt was bending over while having the contractions. I didn't feel relief right away though but when it got closer to pushing I couldn't feel the bottom half of my body and I didn't feel anymore contractions even though they were still happening. It was 11 am when the nurse started to prepare the room for delivery. I was 9 cm dilated and my water still hadn't broke so they decided to break it which thanks to the epidural felt like nothing. Keep in mind that anytime they did anything major I kept my eyes closed and just breathed deep.
My doctor was supposed to be a quiet speaking lady who I didn't care for that much but she couldn't make it in and instead was the cowboy boot wearing, good looking, groovy saying doctor who I had seen one time during my pregnancy. Literally he wears cowboy boots under his scrubs and when he came into tell us we were almost ready informed me that everything was "groovy". I was pretty happy with this because I was more apt to push as hard as I could when I heard him say so... not bad on the eyes either when I did open them.
As they were getting the room ready for labor I was half asleep trying to conserve my energy for the big event I could hear my mom and sister asking each other who would stay in the room with me and Justin. Supposedly the nurse told me that they prefer 2 people to be in there with me so mom kept asking me who I wanted in there.... I was like I don't care. Something I thought was a big deal ended up not meaning so much when it got time to get the show on the road. The funny thing was my mom, sister and Justin ended up staying in the room. The nurse told my mom to hold one leg and Justin to hold the other. I couldn't feel my legs they were like dead weight so having them there was wonderful. My older sister stood beside me with a washcloth keeping me cool and cheering me on.
As the pushing started I had to have the nurse tell me when the contraction was happening so that I would know to push but the funny thing was I couldn't feel myself pushing down there because of the epidural. Every time she said to push through my bottom I didn't know if that was happening so I pushed as hard as I could till I felt it in my face. She said push more through your bottom not through your faces lol. That was a little frustrating because I couldn't tell if I was doing what I needed to do. After clinching my legs to my chest and pushing like that a few times I heard the doctor come in and I heard the babies heart beat a lot faster. The nurses and doctor started moving a lot faster and I started getting worried. Every time I closed my eyes to push I imagined my puppy's blue eyed sweet face to keep me going. It was the only thing that had no drama or negative thoughts tied to it and it ended up working well to keep me calm.
The nurses kept talking about her head full of hair and joking that's what was keeping her in. The doctor rushed out of the room for a few minutes and came back in with a suction vacuum to help turn her head in the right direction. He told me that it could work but it also might not which means we might have an emergency csection on our hands. At that point I started praying during every contraction that I wouldn't have to have that csection. He attached the suction vacuum and then I heard a loud pop and thought was that it? Oh the seal just broke... the doctor explained as he frantically went to suction again. I cracked my eyes opened and at that point saw Justin and the good looking doctor staring at my vagina with startled looks. I looked at my mom who looked away quickly at which point I closed my eyes and tried to stay calm. Everyone started telling me to push push push and that she was coming any moment. They told me I was strong and that a few more hard pushes and she would be here! I mostly blocked out all the voices except my moms. My mom and sister started going crazy and wham bam thank ya mam out pop little Juniper with her dainty soft scream at 12:09 only an hour after pushing. I was so amazed, so proud, so overwhelmed with excitement and sooooo very thankful. The room was full of about 4 nurses, good looking doc, my mom, my boyfriend, and my older sister all smiling and celebrating. It was like a mini party! It felt like I just got done running the hardest marathon ever but it felt so good.
I couldn't believe what she looked like, how she sounded, and how she was all mine. I couldn't believe that she was what I had been creating these past 9 months. Most amazing feeling ever! No doubt!