So I can't sleep. I'm still thinking about her and randomly crying at the most unexpected of moments. It seems I miss her more each day. Last week seems like a dream to me now. It's just weird how things happen like that so unexpectedly and then they are over.
Everything I see reminds me of her. Yesterday I bought some caramel apples just because I remember my grandma always buying them when the season came. My grandma was always into paranormal things. She believed in ghosts and she was terrified of zombies but she loved dawn of the dead. The first time I watched a scary movie was with her and it was nightmare on elm street.
I feel like I need to write everything about my grandma down so I don't ever forget. I'm scared because I know with time we forget and that is why we feel better. I guess I just needed to get my thoughts down because I have no other option with it being almost 1 am... actually I use to have my gram in times like these to talk to.
During the funeral I didn't want to look at her, I didn't want to take any of the flowers, I didn't want to take pictures. I always have my camera with me but I just couldn't do it. I didn't want to capture such sad moments. However my sister did. Now I wish I had taken some.
Here is what she captured at the grave site of my grandma and my grandpa beside her. She had taken two perfectly clear pictures in between these of areas around the graves with no signs of light like this. Do I believe it? Yes I do.
The picture at the top was right outside the funeral home right at the end of the wake while somewhere over the rainbow was playing on the cd we had made for the wake. Do I think this is a sign? Yes I do. It was actually a double rainbow. This picture was taken on a cell phone but the rainbow was the brightest one I had ever seen.
Such a mixed up post... I am really just trying to get back into the swing of things.
PS Thanks for the sweet caring comments. They mean a lot.
oh my, these are orbs in the photos. i believe them to be evidence of spirits present at the time.
ReplyDeletehaving lost so many family members i understand how great your pain is. believe me when i say you will never forget. eventually your grief will lessen and you will look upon those memories with a smile instead of tears. trust me, you will.
I catch myself thinking this is only the beginning of losing loved ones. When what I should be thinking is that now is the time to enjoy every moment. Thanks willow you have given me some hope :)
Deletewhen my dad died, my best friend told me a story about her own father's passing and how right after, butterflies kept showing up in the strangest places and she felt that was a sign. so she told me to watch for them and i had a similar experience. so i too believe in signs. and willow is right, it's been 2 years since my dad and you don't forget. you remember more and more and you absolutely cherish each and every memory. your heart gets fuller with them.
ReplyDeleteIt will take some time for me to figure it out but I know you have to be right. I really believe in it but it will make you think and think and think. That's the hard part.
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