3/22/2013

Thoughts on Love and Marriage

I see little ones everyday at the after school program I work part time doing the art club. It's really fun and I enjoy it so much because of the freedom I have with the kids. They really make me happy on days when my pregnancy has me feeling crazy. They all stay super excited about my pregnancy. They ask me how I feel, touch my belly but the funniest thing is when they ask me about my husband and if I am married.

At first this kinda startled me and left me wondering what words I would say to answer this question when most elementary kids don't understand how having a baby works. I'm not going to lie to the kids and tell them I am married so I say no. Then they ask me if I will get married soon and I say no. Then they ask me how does that work? One kid even said don't you want a dad in your babies life? Wow that left me with my mouth hanging open for a bit carefully determining whether I should or how I should answer that. So I said this... I know some of you have or know someone else's parents who are not together and then I asked why do you think that is? All of them answered pretty quickly and said that their parents didn't get along or fought so they split. I said that sometimes we want to make things work according to how we see other people live their lives but what we have to realize is that we need to make things work according to our life not theirs. In other words just because so and so's parents live in the same house and are still married doesn't mean that my parents should be like that in order for my life to be happy.

I realized from this that our society thrives on the idea of marriage and that a baby must have a mother and father that live together to be normal. It was a shock honestly because growing up my parents split and so did almost anybody and everyone I knew. I thought at least by now kids would think that a split family was normal or predictable. Don't get me wrong I would want anything in this world to raise a kid in a happy family environment where the mom and dad get along perfectly and are madly in love but it doesn't seem to be the easiest thing to attain nowadays. 

It seems that we have to sacrifice one thing for another in most marriages. Sacrifice our own happiness for the sake of the kids. I don't know how many times I heard someone say they fell out of love with their partner years ago but stayed together for the kids. Is that right? This doesn't make sense to me. I found that when my parents split they were better parents than when they were together so why do we feel that need to sacrifice our own happiness to be miserable in the home for the kids sake.

My opinion is that parents want to protect their kids from the harsh realities of a broken family and therefore feel the need to stay together even if the love isn't there. In reality if a broken family works better apart why not try to embrace that. I am guessing that it's just the idea of a family being the father, mother and kids beside a house which is 9 out of 10 times what kids draw when you ask them to draw family. It seems like its ingrained in every child's brain that this is normal which makes it perfectly understandable why kids who are not raised by their mother and father feel out of place.

Happiness is what inspires and creates love.  If you are making yourself fit into someone's (society's) idea of a family are you happy? If you aren't happy how can you love? Which makes my ultimate question being is a Mother and Father who live together the best type of family to raise a child?

I think your getting the feel of my answer on this so what is your opinion?



PS have a lovely weekend see you Monday! Fingers crossed it gets warmer!




2 comments:

  1. I dont know the right way to explain it to children, but I do know if youre not happy staying together is not the right thing to do!

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    Replies
    1. I don't think we will ever know the right way! lol

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