So much to say. So much has been on my mind. Life has been full of disappointments lately that seem to have gotten the best of me. Being a mother is hard work and I envy all those who do it in high heels and a full face of make up everyday. But let me say that being a stay at home mommy is a whole other circus that can pretty much wear and tear on a mother. I just want to take a moment to say that I have a whole new appreciation for those moms who stay at home to take care of their babies and try to accomplish anything else. Your amazing. I know its getting better every day and instead of fighting it I am learning to embrace those things I can't control. Things like not being able to go to the bathroom till she is finished eating or she is full on down for a nap. Things like not being able to pack orders until late hours in the night when she is asleep. Things like living off of 4 hours of sleep because to get things done you have to do them some time. Things like cleaning everyday because she's at the point where shes getting into everything. Average day is 1 load dishes, 2 loads laundry, sweep and vacuum, baby circuit training on everything from rolling carts to bouncaroos, to setting up obstacle courses in the living room to keep her entertained and then putting it all back in her room because I live at my moms and people have to get around.
It takes a toll... on my psych and my body. My baby bump seems to have formed into a permanent muscle that supports the baby (refer to first picture) and I am not too fond of it. I have googled and bought every super food, energy boosting, healthy food I can find to keep up with it all and although it works on a rare occasion... a lot of days are spent napping when she naps, laying on the floor half asleep while she plays, and crying. Lots of crying. I wish I could say different but I think it's just me learning how to be a mother. How could I know what to do or what to expect if I have never been a mother before.
Of course being a stay at home mother comes with its perks. Being able to plan activities that will include our whole family on last minute occasions. Seeing every new accomplishment and hearing every new sound. It's part of the reason I cry because it's going soo fast and it just so sweet. I feel lucky everyday. My heart melts every time she reaches for me and says momma. It's a wonderful feeling knowing that deep in her heart she loves me.
I know this is a temporary state for me. I am praying, meditating and taking time out for myself so that I can be the best mom I can be for my sweet Juniper. I usually write out little goals for myself each month and so far I haven't had the chance to even think. I know I want to focus on getting more sleep, working out, and eating right. That's it.