Thoughts: Being a Introvert at heart and an Extrovert in spirit

I don't get the chance to socialize much since many of my days are spent at home working and taking care of my 1 1/2 year old. So when I do get a chance to get out to setup for a festival or for something social I always talk the entire time to anyone who comes near me. I love it so much that I skip out on eating just to keep talking. I want to say I am a social butterfly which is how it seems but to be honest I am not.

The funny thing is that professors I had in college and even people who worked right next to me in class don't even know who I am at social events or things where I see them because I was always quiet and working unless there was something about you that intrigued me. I always felt like I wasn't as good as anyone else or that my professor might not think of me like an artist because I was an art education major. It really kept me from discovering a lot more about me.

Recently this past year after having the baby I felt like I needed that connection with people so I have been pushing myself to say "hey" and reintroduce myself if I have to with a smile. I am way more confident than I was before I had the baby not sure why but it just happened. I guess squeezing a baby out of you makes you feel like you can do anything. Either way the point is that I went from being introverted when I had a public job/life to extroverted when my life no longer included interacting with other people. I have to say it is strange but I love this shift in my personality and identity.

I am no longer worried about if someone has certain ideas of me. I no longer judge people by their first interaction with me. I have realized that people change constantly. Sometimes it takes a few hellos to get a response and for the 1% of people who just hate happy people I still make sure that they know they can't change my happy nature.

I have found that dropping the preconceived ideas I had about people and genuinely connecting with them by pushing myself out of my comfort zone ends up making the best connections and connections are really what make your life so much more magical.

I think when your constantly interacting with the public whether it's your job or your life it can keep you from appreciating the process of interacting. It can lead some to think that everyone is wanting something from you rather than I might learn something from them. It might lead you to think that you can judge someone within minutes of meeting them when you have no clue that individuals back story. Sometimes it gets to the point where we start judging people through the social media connections they have and from my own life and experiences this doesn't even begin to describe a person. Even if it seems like they live online. You don't know me until you have spent some time with me.

Sometimes I like to think of my life as an experiment in which I like to test things out. I like to observe and listen to people and react in ways that maybe I wouldn't normally do. It's not me being fake it's me discovering different parts of who I could be or who I really am. I don't ever feel or think like I am better than anyone but that could be the pieces in me. While that was what kept me from socializing before now I see it as an asset because I can make people comfortable enough to talk to me genuinely. This builds relationships and connections that can take you further than you ever imagined.

I have to say I love being alone. I love having me time. I love working in my own quiet space. I love that I don't physically have to deal with peoples issues on a daily basis. I see though how filled up I get after forcing myself out there and saying hello, not judging and just let the conversation steer what happens. I learned to appreciate the power of interaction and communication. So am I an introvert or an extrovert or does life just try to balance itself out?